I write this to you as your Brother in Christ and a dear friend. I know your world is dark. I know when you wake up in the morning the pain is real and it never subsides. I know your situation feels utterly hopeless. I know every bone in you tells you to walk away from your marriage. I know it’s easier to leave behind the past and turn your head and leave the mess in your life. Divorce is not the answer. I beg of you to reach out to God in your heart and mind. Read these words and let them penetrate.
Do you remember the feelings inside when you first kissed your wife? When you first touched her? When you first smelled her perfume? When you first looked into her eyes with love? Do you remember the feeling when your beautiful boys came into this world? Remember it all. Let it mould you and penetrate into your heart. Remember and know that it’s not lost. All these memories can be restored. All these memories can continue.
The world will tell you to let go. The world will give you justification and the reasons to act and respond selfishly with your marriage.
Deep down under all the trash in the trash can, there is a seed of love that you once had with your wife. It’s still there. The seed may be the tiniest thing and almost impossible to find around all the trash.
It’s my prayer that you will dig through all the trash around you. It’s my prayer that you will fight to find that seed again. It may take several more years to find it. Yes, you made mistakes and brought this darkness upon yourself. You have committed great sins and you are now reaping the ramifications of these sins. Divorce does not wash these wrongs away. Divorce is not the answer. Through the bleakness and hopelessness, you need to stand tall in Jesus Christ. Wake up each morning and start your day off with a prayer to God for help. Focus on His word. Read the bible. Surround yourself around other Christians in church as mush as possible every week. Set yourself right with God by obeying Him.
Why? God calls on you and I to be like Him. God loves you. You have two beautiful young boys that deserve a family and two parents. Yes, your wife doesn’t love you today. She is gone more and more each day with another man. She may say the meanest things or may ignore all of you. There is no more love. Its a loveless relationship. And yes you have tried in the past years to repair the damage. But never listen to the world that teaches us to give up and move on. Divorce does not wash away your past but leaves a dark hole that will live with you and your kids forever. Divorce offers no solution. I promise you there are still feelings deep deep down in her heart for you. They may be buried in the deepest hole, but they are there for you Bill.
Focus on yourself and stop trying to fix something that only God can repair. Right yourself with God and build a Christian home with your two boys with or without your wife present. Send emails of love to her. Invite her on a date, and if she’s chooses to ignore all your invites go by yourself and spend this time alone with God. Stand up on these ocean waves and journey with God through this storm. Send flowers to her. Share your feelings with her. Treat her in a loving and caring way as if nothing was wrong and fight, Bill. Fight! Rise above this occasion and be an example to your boys. Put your ring back on. Teach your boys that no matter how hopeless a situation may be, we as Christians give it to God and rise above it. Yes, it will be hard. Yes, it will be torture. It will feel like a waste of time. But at least you know you did it right before God. Don’t correct your sins with more opportunities to sin. It’s a broad road that will only lead to more destruction and you will never find the peace you once had when you were first married. Divorce is not the answer.
You’ve said that you’ve already tried for years. Try harder, but this time around give it all to God. Not a little bit, but all. Do it with God. Put God literally first in everything. Walk with God more than you have ever attempted in your life. Before you can fix a marriage you need to fix yourself. I told you that you can’t neglect your family and have a relationship with God at the same time. There’s no way. But you say “you never neglected your family.” I understand. Would God agree with you? The world says to you “job well done; now move on.” Don’t move onto divorce.
The Israelites wondered for forty years. It took Noah 120 years to build the ark. Jesus wondered in the wilderness for forty days. How many years was Joseph imprisoned before he became a Ruler over Egypt? Story after story, Bill, years pass before God answered prayers and shined His glory. You know His plan is not ours. We are so blessed to have a patient God. The plan He has for you may take several more years. Don’t get off this road. God has a plan for you. Pray earnestly for God to reveal His plan for you. And pray for confirmation.
Your wife does not know it, but she does need you (and you need her).
Bill, ignore all the world around you and set your eyes on God. Live in your house as a real Christian not compromising anything between you and God. Raise your boys, and set biblical standards. Pray together as a family. I promise you there is a better and happier life waiting too be restored by God. Ignore the calendar and just focus one day at a time. And what if she chooses to divorce and proceeds with another relationship? Know that you at least you did it right before God. You did it right, Bill, and you can walk with a clear conscious that you never gave up, nor gave in to the world. This, itself, will be a sign of confirmation from God. But lets not think too far ahead. Lets not try so hard to figure out God’s plan. No longer trust in yourself, but lean on God.
Remember the fruits of the Spirit: “But the fruit pif the spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” Galations 5:22
I know your angry at her and upset at the whole situation. It’s not fair! “Why should I suffer?” “It’s time to move on.” So easily as men we become critical and hateful for how the wife conducts herself. It’s so easy to provoke an argument, because there is so much hatred and spite toward the past. She continues to throw rocks at you, and you respond with your own rocks. Bill, close your eyes, close your mouth, focus on the Holy Spirit to quiet you. Turn the cheek, Bill, and focus on responding with the fruits of the Spirit, and never stop. Eventually, the spouse will stop provoking and throwing rocks (verbal words) when she see’s her own actions is beating you down emotionally and physically. Her heart will change, Bill.
Where are you spiritually today? How close are you to God today? How obedient are you to our Lord? How faithful are you? How much do you compromise with God? How often do you pray? And how honest are you with these questions?
Live your life 100% for God and he will take you out of this wilderness.
There is nothing greater than God, and this He can fix, Bill. Be patient and be diligent in righting yourself with God. Show your boys no matter how long it takes, you never walk away. Never abandon ship when it’s still floating and upright. The boat may be sinking and there is a ton of water in the boat, but its still visible and upright.
Biblically, you’re allowed to divorce if the other spouse has been unfaithful? Yes. But this question also applies to you, as well. Would you turn your back on someone drowning in the water? Of course not. But I see both of you drowning together, and the stronger one (you) needs to reach out and fight with all your strength to save each other. Is God leading you to divorce? No. Have you truly extended every spiritual muscle to walk with this confirmation? Not. Stay away from your feelings, because the devil uses your feelings to mislead you. Stand on biblical principals. Don’t leave your wife as she is drowning too.
You and I only have a few years left on this planet as we grow older. Our lives are short. Lets live it right before God and give it all to God, because the short time on this planet does not compare to the eternity that we can inherit if we live for God.
Divorce is not the solution, Bill. I pray God speaks to you. Pray, Bill. Ask God for his hand upon you, and be patient. Don’t empty the trash. If you choose to, you’ll fill it up again with new trash.
Lastly, remove yourself from the temptations around you. Walk away from the world that tempted you to sin to begin with. Shake the dust off your feet and walk away. By your own freewill, choose to remain strong and focus on the Holy Spirit inside you, and God will lead you on a new path with your wife and two sons.
Your in my prayers and never hesitate to call on me for help. I’m always there for you.